.: reeys say she needs total silence NOW :.

22 years ago, a mother suffer almost 48 hours in a hospital bed and underwent an emergency caesarian operation to deliver a baby girl and hell yeah that infant was me. I can hardly recall how everything eventually happens but one thing I am very sure of is...I know I was unhappy as I cry the very moment I am at this world. It is a despairing thing for a mother to sacrifice and go through all the pain but having her grown up to be lil ungrateful girl. Time flies by in a glimpse of seconds and I am now a grown up. I get to know more and more about the world. I can still recall back in childhood where friends are friends and they stays for eternity. But that is something i would rather refer as myth, cuz it was never true, or perhaps should I say, it was never true to me. I had too many people, stepping in and out of my life... some vanish, while the rest leave scars in my life. Yea it is scars I am saying.. not those sweet memories that people claimed to be. After decades, those people who vanished from my life appear again.. haunting every moment of my life.. I can't find the answers to my the questions upon my conciousness. Everything seems so blur and like a repeatance, thing happens again n again. Life is like a cycle to me.

Live is a torture for a sorrowful person like me and leaving this world is a dream come true. As the time is clicking away, I sense I am getting closer and closer to my dreams, my dream to leave this world.I always wanted to move on with my life but my life refuses to move on with me. Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today. Basically, there's nothing much I can do about it. I am who I was born to be whether you like it or not. So what you see would be basically what u going to get. I am someone who brings no harm to earth and creature. Messing with me would be a definite NO NO... but if you insist, this is what I got to say.
"You have been warned before, yet you are being too stubborn to listen, or perhaps you were born with no ears to listen. I felt you are putting your nose on somewhere it doesn’t belong, and it upsets me. What I am going to do with a dork like you is I'm going to destroy you... To make you vanish from my life... with a goodbye message like ' f*ck off and get a life'. You might think that you are the best, but I am telling this right to your face that you are NOT, not even slightly... and your pretty face is going to hell! People waste their time worrying about how others think about them. I used to be one of those people. But little devil took a super huge hammer and knocked on my empty head and woke me up. So basically now I don’t give a damn on what people want to think about me with their pig brain. If you give comments, I would accept it with pleasure... but if you expect me to change just because I am doing that something that annoys you, no one but you alone... Then, why don’t you come over here and kiss my ass? I always tell sad people that no one is worth your tears and the one who is worth wont make you cry... Yea... I live to that until now... Some people in my life might have seen me crying and hell yeah was it true that those who made me cry, wasn’t worth my tears after all... So once the tears stop shedding, they're totally OUT from my life. I felt I am born as an ordinary person just like anyone else, well... You know right? A simple girl with a simple me... but I know life made me changed and I know I am not and would not be a simple man in my life because it has been wounded and the scars stays forever in my life.

Life is a bitch and definitely, bitch is always a bitch, they born as a bitch, grow up as a bitch, spending their life as a bitch... and they die as a bitch.. Once you got my mind set up that u r a bitch... then you would be an immortal bitch in my mind... forever a bitch... whether it is my past life, current life or next life… you would still be nothing but a bitch... and it goes out the same to the bastards out there.

Some people that I encounter in my life once told me that life is just like a fairy tale but from what I can see with my naked eyes, fairy tale just don’t exist.. one word for it, CRAP... everything in this world just seem so fake and ever changing ... nothing was ever true except lies and hurts for it stays for eternity. Perhaps that is basically how people get to lead a happy life as their life is only based on those fairy tale, trying to keep themselves happy and problem free…

Words can never be commensurate to delineate who I really am and to bespeak how I felt inside. I glorify darkness cuz it really makes me feel calm(black to be exact), dogs (yea this is the only thing that makes me appear to be not-so-sadist-kind-of-... I currently have 7 golden retrievers and 2 min schnauzer and 1 MS+Silky), sound system, dance, trance,house music, clubs and liquor.

Gravitation of human being, for the ladies... a middle height slim and fit lady with long straight hair, big eyes with dark makeup around the eyes and in dark outfit. For the guys? Simple enough, it would always be those kinds of smart looking guys or those hip-hop kind of guys who can dance. Yea thumbs up to all good guy dancers. I admit that appearance count a lot... and most important of all would be the first impression you give me the very moment I see you as it matters a lot to me. As important as it is... still... looks isn’t everything... as you can buy looks nowadays... yeah you heard me, don’t you? You can appear to be how you want to be... it’s the money that matters. Go for a plastic surgery, change yourself to look like not you, but the inner is still you… if you’re a bitch, I can still smell your bitchiness yards away. So it makes not much difference to me. I’ve seen loads of materialistic gals around in my life. They are attracted to the cash, car, materials and fame... sad but true.. I have friends asking me why I didn’t accept the guy who was going after me since he’s from a rich family; he got a stable job house and everything a girl look for. Answer is, that don’t impress me much and the main point… I just don’t fancy him ok? One word for those ladies who are chasing after these stuffs, good luck. You got to know that I’ll be happy for you as long as you don’t come with your itchy pussy and bitch around with me and people in my life for my dogs are definitely not interested in having a free fuck with you.

Waiting is hurting... That mades me a girl without patience. Impatient leads and affected my temper as well... which means I am a bad tempered person. Yea I know this is a very bad temper to have, but this is what I am! Try to control my temper and so far I am doing fine with it. Very successful for a sadist like me !
All my life, I came across a few special types of something called human. I categorized them as below:-

1. Liar, or preferbly refer them as those mortal who is basically good-for-nothing... I know everyone in this world tell lies but some are born liars. They tell lies from the very moment they are in this world until their last breath. I do wonder why. The only answer I can give to myself is to say that they are proving to me that fairy tale is nothing but crap... wondering what has this got to do with fairy tale? It goes like this. I can still recall back when I was a child and I was told not to tell lies... and it somehow got connection to a puppet story called the pinochio where his nose grew longer each time he tell lies. If this happen in real world, I think there will be loads of people having their nose looks longer than an elephant trunk! I'm making sense here that fairy tale are just crap.. conclusion? Liar goes to HELL

2. Bitch a.k.a slattern, now this is one interesting creature ever exist. Gender : Female. I came across a few of this which i would really classified them as a 101% pure bitch... I refer someone as a bitch when they interfere with my love life... you know? Trying to be the third party, snatching away my loved ones like he was the one last guy on earth and she need to get fucked so desperately. Hell yeah this kind of person really exist... As far as i can recall, they are called Rachel, Tracy, Lina... and some... in my friendster! lolz... unbelievable? believe it!

3. Bastard.. mongrel... scoundrel .. yea it all falls to the same category. Explaination : This category consist of Male.. only guys and it goes to those who loves playin with feelings, who think they are really a player and treat girl as a toy.. Well, bastards only goes along with bitches... so if you are one of those bastard looking for someone to conjugate, just go for those desperate bitches out there alrite? stay far away from my sight or i'll make sure i chop ur dick off and i feel no sorry for you when you go green-eyed seeing others celebrating father's day.

That was who I used to be, until 2003! Then I started a new life. I wanted to be better. Never gonna stay like this forever cuz it brings nothing to me. So this is basically the brand new caRie of 2004
- Attend anger management classes. Performance is good so far.

- Live on a happier life. I wanna be like a SMILEY!

- Take things easily, compare to last time :) Slight improvement....

- Family gets the priority. I love them more than anyone else! :)

- Start working. Get a LITTLE bit of income.

- Be kind.

Lesson learnt so far..

- When you are in control of your temper, things will move on smoothly.

- When you are happy, you'll be floating in the air. People think you won a lottery.

- Why the rush? Relax! Have a break, have a kit kat!

- Family, is everything- You feel better when you are spending your OWN money

- Cannot be too kind. Sometimes, we gotta be a lil CUNNING! Haha!!!

- I never wanted to be different, I just wanted to be me -